So I haven’t written on here In a while and it is partly because well I really haven’t been feeling myself at all. So I made it to Italy woooooo. But I guess it really isn’t what I expected. I thought that this trip may reaffirm any doubts I had about my career and would push me in that direction. But in fact it has done the opposite, it has made me find out that it is exactly not what I would want to do, at all. Which on, one hand I have made a decision, but on the other doing something I don’t want to do is making my trip like miserable.
In addition, I just feel as if I don’t fit in at all. That I am not pretty enough, or confident enough to really deserve a place here. Today I went to do like a hike and I was going to go with a friend I made here and another guy. The friend ended up been a little bit sick and stayed in for the day that left the guy and I to go on the walk. My anxiety was already through the roof at the prospect, but I thought you know what, I thought I’ll go out of my comfort zone and see what comes of it. He ended up complaining all the time and just completely insulting me, a complete stab in the heart to the confidence. I guess I don’t even think I am likeable enough to belong here. The whole point of this trip was to go out of my comfort zone and grow as a person. So why does it feel like I’m taking so many steps backwards?
I am quite a thinker, and I probably completely overthink certain situations but I guess that is just a part of who I am but at the moment I am struggling to own it. I am struggling to let it be a part of me. At this point I am completely struggling to love myself more than I ever have before.
I am also quite proud of working at a chicken shop and been quite high up in the business and really having my business mindset develop. But a lot of people here are seeing it as a bad thing. They don’t have any clue of the success that I will eventually acquire.
Are any of you feeling like this?