So I haven’t written on here In a while and it is partly because well I really haven’t been feeling myself at all. So I made it to Italy woooooo. But I guess it really isn’t what I expected. I thought that this trip may reaffirm any doubts I had about my career and would push me in that direction. But in fact it has done the opposite, it has made me find out that it is exactly not what I would want to do, at all. Which on, one hand I have made a decision, but on the other doing something I don’t want to do is making my trip like miserable.
In addition, I just feel as if I don’t fit in at all. That I am not pretty enough, or confident enough to really deserve a place here. Today I went to do like a hike and I was going to go with a friend I made here and another guy. The friend ended up been a little bit sick and stayed in for the day that left the guy and I to go on the walk. My anxiety was already through the roof at the prospect, but I thought you know what, I thought I’ll go out of my comfort zone and see what comes of it. He ended up complaining all the time and just completely insulting me, a complete stab in the heart to the confidence. I guess I don’t even think I am likeable enough to belong here. The whole point of this trip was to go out of my comfort zone and grow as a person. So why does it feel like I’m taking so many steps backwards?
I am quite a thinker, and I probably completely overthink certain situations but I guess that is just a part of who I am but at the moment I am struggling to own it. I am struggling to let it be a part of me. At this point I am completely struggling to love myself more than I ever have before.
I am also quite proud of working at a chicken shop and been quite high up in the business and really having my business mindset develop. But a lot of people here are seeing it as a bad thing. They don’t have any clue of the success that I will eventually acquire.
Are any of you feeling like this?
I haven’t written on this in such a long time, and it is honestly because I have been unbelievably crazy busy. Because I am literally going to Italy in two days which I cam incredibly excited about you have absolutely no idea, but I am also just incredibly scared, and I’m writing a blog post on it because I want to remember how this moment felt for me.
I am travelling half-way across the world by myself, to a foreign country that doesn’t speak English and I barely know any Italian. Which honestly I should learn a few words before I go just to be polite and fit in.
I am honestly too bloody excited to go to summer and not be stuck in such a cold place. I know this experience is going to be amazing for me. Like I have knots in my stomach just even thinking about it. But I have worked so incredibly hard for this. You have no idea. It has got to be one of the most terrifying things I have ever done.
I basically just chose the cheapest route to get to Italy this includes an incredibly long layover in China. Like pretty much over a day. I was kind of freaking out about, like that the flip will I do with my time. But it turns out the airline (praise the lord) has got free accommodation for long layovers so I was able to claim that, like phew. But then I have a few days to spend in Rome by myself which I am sure will be amazing. But I just think been anywhere new by yourself is always kind of terrifying. Then in addition to that I have to catch a train from Rome to Naples, which honestly a young girl travelling by herself, like I am so worried about the thieves so I am going to try and be so careful.
But enough of my complaining because I am literally the luckiest girl in the entire world to even be able to do this and have the luxury of buying myself the things I want and travel as much as I do. And as they always say, the start of your new life begins at the end of your comfort zone and this is definitely the end of my comfort zone.
Please send me any suggestions and any advice you have about Italy my way. And stay tuned for some cool Italy blog posts coming up.